» a little rant Woodstone Prairie

a little rant

Oct 1st, 2008 by woodstone

I’ve been blogging for more than three years now…. My sister got me started and my first blog was on xanga. After bouncing around a little I ended up here on homeschool journal and it’s been a good fit.

Recently, though, I gave a lot of thought to closing this blog. As I tried to decide what to do, I thought about why I blog…

I blog for fun, to keep a record of our days, photos of the kids and the things we are doing. It seems like a nice way to “hold onto” those things.

I blog to keep up with my sibs, and other family, who are far away…

I also blog for therapy, the act of putting the words together to write (or type) what is going on in our lives, especially during the difficult times, is helpful to me. Sometimes it helps me get a different perspective on things, sometimes it helps just to vent..

And finally I blog because I believe that what we are doing (homeschooling a child with serious mental illness) is unusual. In my dealings with the mental health care system, I’ve been given a clear message that ” it can’t be done”… that kids like M can’t possibly be homeschooled, and are best served by day treatment, inpatient stays, and sometimes even residential treatment.

I write about our days as proof that there is another way…

That’s not to say that traditional mental health care is bad, it’s just not a good fit for M.

I believe in what we are doing, and the “proof is in the pudding”, so to speak… At 16, M is a polite, caring (as much as the limits of his social understanding allows him to be), young man. He doesn’t drink, smoke, or use drugs… and never has. He has friends, a place in a community, is openly affectionate towards friends and family, and takes real pleasure in life and learning.

I write to show that despite the terrible crises that sometimes rumble through, and despite the much more frequent little bumps in the road of this journey that is our lives, a family can homeschool a child with a serious mental illness and have it be a good, positive experience for all involved.

We have been blessed by our youngest children… blessed by their presence in our lives, and by the opportunity to watch them learn and grown.. day by day. That’s an opportunity homeschooling has given us.

If you’ve read my blog, you know it hasn’t been easy at times. Living with someone with schizophrenia is never easy. (And this is true whether the person is involved with traditional mental health care systems or not!) It’s a serious illness… and sometimes the symptoms are difficult to deal with. Loving a person with sz involves making a commitment, a commitment to be there for that person… even (especially!) when things are hard. It means walking that hard road with the person because you love them, and because it’s the right thing to do. No, it’s not easy… but often the most worthwhile, growth producing, faith building, things aren’t.

Unfortunately, as my sister reminded me just yesterday, people react differently to a family dealing with a child’s chronic, serious, mental illness, versus a chronic, serious, physical one. Many people are still afraid of mental illness… It’s my hope that those who read my blog will come to see that M, and people like him, are so much more than just their illness.

So, I’ve decided to keep blogging, writing about our lives… If you strongly disagree with what we are doing, or it makes you feel uncomfortable, I’m sorry. The truth is that life is messy sometimes… but isn’t that what makes it life?

Posted in FASD, Psychiatric Stuff | 9 Comments

9 Responses to “a little rant”

on 01 Oct 2008 at 8:36 am1 Andrea

yu know, my own personal blog has been going on through almost ten years. Crazy when you think about it. I waver on it sometimes. Sometimes i post multiple times a day, sometimes I’ve taken down entries.

At the end of the day though, it’s *your* blog. Just try not to let other people dictate how it shoudl be. That’s the hardest part, I think. Blogging really *is* good therapy, and I think you’re doing a good thing getting it out there.

If it makes someone else uncomfortable, well.. it’s the internet. They can click away.
on 01 Oct 2008 at 9:26 am2 applestars

Maura,

Thanks for being here. I needed to hear this post today as we have been going through our own crisis with our oldest through his depression and anxiety this past year. It is SO hard, and I needed to be reminded by someone I respect to not lose my faith in him and keep loving him, even when it’s hard on everyone. Luckily, we’re on an upswing. I’ve been away from blogging for a while, but have also felt a need to come back and specifically start talking about our recent journey with him. I need to process it and understand it by getting feedback from people like you who get it and have lived with a mental illness.

Thanks for your spirit!
-Cindy
on 01 Oct 2008 at 9:36 am3 Renee

I feel that you are your family are a blessing to us. I feel blessed to be able to pray for you & your family.

For the most part my family isn’t exposed to anyone who is different from us. I don’t want us living in a bubble. I want my child to know and hopefully understand others.
on 01 Oct 2008 at 10:39 am4 liese4

We have noticed more than once that people with a physical disability get treated differently than people with a mental illness, it’s just true. People can’t see what’s in your head so they don’t know how to react. They don’t know what’s going on if you aren’t in a wheelchair. You get less empathy from people when you are dealing with a mental illness because they just don’t know how to handle it.

And that’s too bad for people. They are missing out on friendships and lessons in life that they won’t get anywhere else.

How lucky are my kids to have friends like M and R and A and S and more?

Everyone, no matter what their ability or disability has something to offer the world.
on 01 Oct 2008 at 11:12 am5 jove

Your reasoning is sound. And it is very important for people like you to put those stories out there so that when other parents are dealing with a similar situation they at least know that there are other options. And so that some people learn. I don’t know much about sz. But you talking about it doesn’t seem offensive at all.

I would like to see a world in which diversity was truly accepted. That means accepting that some people have mental illness and they are still part of society. They shouldn’t need to hide their differences. And you shouldn’t need to care for your son without support. Knowing is the first step.

(BTW, you can mark particular posts “private”; it’s a tickbox along with “published” and “draft”; maybe sometimes it is therapeutic for your to write and you want to be able to look at it again but you aren’t sure about the rest of us seeing it, you could tick that box.)
on 01 Oct 2008 at 1:38 pm6 Kristi

You and your family are wonderful! Your strength is amazing! Please keep sharing because you never know when your story will be the difference for someone else out there.
on 01 Oct 2008 at 3:06 pm7 jackie

i am so glad you made the decision to keep blogging and so, apparently are several others.
on 01 Oct 2008 at 9:00 pm8 Heather Neff

VERY well said… And meeting Michael was the highlight of our day… even tho the caterpillar comes in close 2nd. He is everything you have said… very lovely boy growing into a man… You should be VERY proud of your youngest children. VERY proud. And I am sooooo glad you will continue to give us this small glimpse into your lives. You are an inspiration to us all… really.
on 27 Oct 2008 at 7:49 pm9 Kelly

I’ll never forget the day I met you at News 4. I was so amazed at how you interracted with M and I thought about it for several days later. You’re such a tough mama and it’s really inspirational to see you in “action”! ) I’m glad you’re a homeschooling family and that you’re keeping the blog!