Jul 24th, 2008 by woodstone
It’s been awhile since I posted… I’ve been writing a lot lately, even waking up early with so many thoughts rushing around in my head that I just have to get up and write them down… to get them out.
But I haven’t written anything I felt like I could post here.
Most of my writing has to do with M’s illness, and it feels like a betrayal of his privacy to write so intimately about the details of his life, here… in such a public place.
So I write, but I don’t post.
He’s doing ok right now… Ok as in mostly manageable, some days are pretty decent, some days we just kind of stumble through. No emergencies though, which is good.
My early morning (and late night!) writing has been connected to somehow finding a way to come to terms with this being as good as it’s going to get for M, and that the pdoc has given up. For years I held onto the hope and support she brought with her. Things have changed now though, and circumstances recently have forced me to accept that she’s given up on M being any more stable than he is now, she’s moved on, and I’m on my own. That’s a tough one for me, since she’s been there for us since the beginning (I know, we’ve been very blessed by that) and he’s still very unstable right now. But I can’t change things, so I write…
… and I work.
I got the barn cleaned out, we have a load of hay being delivered tomorrow. Six tons of it. So I cleaned out the old pallets that last year’s hay sat on, they are broken now because Blaze, who is too smart for his own good, figured out how to open the outside door to the feed room and had a party in the barn the other day with Tucker. (I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, Blaze is 13 now and you know how teenagers are…) Bales were torn open and scattered, and the pallets he tried to stand on broke of course…
Anyway… I moved the old pallets out, raked up all the dirty hay that was on the floor (and freecycled it!) then swept real good and laid down new (old) pallets. I also laid sheets of plywood on top of the pallets, making a “floor” of sorts for the hay to sit on, but have decided to move those. I want the hay to be able to breathe, I don’t want to take a chance with it getting moldy…
By the time I was finished my joints and muscles ached, and I was filthy from head to toe, but the barn looked great and is ready for hay.
The kids had a softball tournament through Special Olympics last weekend and their team came in first! M was so excited… He’s been telling everyone (friend and stranger) how well they played. No pictures, I’m afraid…but trust me, it was a great looking team.
We (dh and I) also built a new fence around the front garden. The deer were eating my cucumbers and pumpkin plants down to the ground (evidently, eating all the blooms off my geraniums didn’t fill them up!)…
…so we put up a 5+ foot fence all the way around the garden, and dh made me a nice new gate. When we were done we set some paving stone around the perimeter of the garden. It looks so much better now, and so far the deer are leaving it alone.
The other big news this week is that we finally got some rain! After being bone dry for weeks and weeks, this is what we got…
Check out the lake in the pasture, isn’t it wonderful? Maybe now the prairie grass will green up a little bit…
Well, the donkeys and Blaze are throwing a fit outside, they think I’ve forgotten their breakfast… so I’d better run.
I was just about to give you the aul nudge to see how things were. I’m glad there has been no emergencies, but I am sorry that the overall prognosis is not what we all want. That must be very hard.
I have thought about ordering hay myself. Maybe 4 round bales. They price is going way up as the price of fuel has skyrocketed. They say about €45 per big round bale which is up about 40% from last year.
The garden looks mighty. My garden is safe enough from the ravaging hoards, for now. Once the corn gets high they may try and raid the place.
You want rain? Move here to Ireland, I even have a spare room.
Tell M and R a big ‘Well Done’ on the softball tournament!
I am glad you’re writing. That has got to be very therapeutic. As is hard physical work. I wish I could put into words how much I love what you share about your journey as a mom and about M’s illness.
Congratulations to the kids on their triumph in softball!
http://tribeof3feistykids.blogspot.com/
i echo Steve’s words; i, too, am very glad that the past few weeks have been manageable but i also understand the feeling of realizing that a bad situation is what it is and is probably not going to get much better. i know you won’t give up hope ~ you never let things get you down for long. M is still in the very best place possible and hopefully he can continue to be there for quite a while longer.
You guys are so industrious!! Do you hire out? i have so many inside/outside jobs around here that need help and i have about run out of steam. The garden looks beautiful! Good work! A note on my garden: i picked a few tomatoes the other day and the vines are loaded!! i am anticipating lots of salsa this year.
High Fives on the Softball Tournament! i knew there had to be some athletes in the family somewhere.
what kind of hay do you feed your critters? I’ve been buying timothy for the rabbits. DH gets testy when I buy an entire bale though…he thinks it takes up too much of “his” garage.
Glad you got everything ready for your shipment. I hope that you’re able to keep Blaze out of it this year. Silly horse.
I’m sorry about M’s prognosis. It would sure be nice if all the researchers could figure out how to fix this, huh? HUGS!
Wasn’t the rain nice? I walked through it to Wal-mart getting wet (and some stares.) I do miss the rain, the tapping against the glass, the smell of washed grass that rises up in the aftermath. Oh, that was soothing, wish we had more of it.
(And I love ‘I’ll fly away’ too!)
rushing rain pouring down
tapping on the window pane,
hazing over prairie grass
quaking leaves cover me in vain.
i do not want this shelter
to envelope me today,
i just want the glorious rain
to come and wash me away.
I’ve been haunting your site a bit too, hoping all was well. With all your writing, I wonder if you ever think about composing a book — either autobiographical or a story about the kind of life you lead with M.
The rain looks great. I love the rain on colorado - it is much different than what we have here. We have sooo much rain from october to about april, then clouds until july. We are now just coming out of the “june gloom” and getting some sun.